Happy New Year! 2011

Resolutions for this year:

1. Become a mom through adoption

2. Find a new job

3. Be happier

We've restarted the adoption process. In Jan 2010, I started looking into it but stopped because of financial and work issues. Work has been really difficult in 2010 and I put in my resignation notice. My last day will be Jan 7, 2011. I have some vacation days still so may check out earlier.

Anyway, that nightmare will soon be behind me. I have not job lined up but Husband is very supportive as long as I am actively looking for a job. I'll be talking to some people who work in a job that I'm interested in going into.

But really, my big hope for 2011 is to adopt a baby and be a stay-at-home mom. After years of unsuccessful fertility treatments, we think this is the way to go. And after all this effort to have a kid, I want to stay home and be a mom for that kid.

I'm not thinking that becoming a mom will be all roses and I'll suddenly find happiness and all that. After all I know poopy diapers and temper tantrums will be part of the picture.

I just think that life is too short to not actively seek what I want out of life.

And 2011 will be the year to do it.

Happy New Year and may 2011 be a year that makes you happy too.

Burst Pipe

On Wednesday, a standing pipe on the roof of the condo burst, flooding the elevators, shorting them out. I had to walk up the stairs from the 3rd floor where I park to the 23rd. Had to stop a few times to rest. So Husband and I got a hotel room for the night.

However, that meant I had to pack an overnight bag for 2 nights (just in case) and carry it down 23 floors. Downhill still much easier than uphill. But still tiring. And it was below freezing so I slipped and fell once crossing the park to the hotel.

Yesterday the elevators were working intermittently and I got to use the elevator up home, thank goodness. However, to go out to the Thrashers hockey game, I had to walk down 23 floors.

My legs are killing me and I am so tired. I'm taking the morning to sleep in and watch a Sanctuary marathon.

New Browncoats and a lovely day

Today was a really good day. in the 50s F. Husband and I walked 4 miles round trip from our place next to Centennial Olympic Park, through part of Old Fourth Ward, to Inman Park for lunch. We pretty much took Baker Street the whole way. We started in the heart of downtown, walking past skyscrapers, passed over the interstate that goes through the middle of Atlanta, past revitalized neighborhoods and into Atlanta's first suburb.

We had lunch at Pure Taqueria which was very good. We shared an appetizer and an entree and that was quite enough for both of us. We did the same thing at dinner last night too. I think this will be our habit from now on. We both turned 40 this year. We know we have to try harder to take care of ourselves. We haven't been to the gym much since summer ended so today's walk and the sharing one entree is a pretty nice way of doing it.

Plus, this workweek, I did not eat one dinner at home. I had evening meetings or I went out with friends or with Husband.

Wed night I watched Four Days of DragonCon, produced by PBA, Public Broadcasting Atlanta. They're selling it to other public broadcasting stations. So if you want to see it in your city, call your local public broadcasting station and ask them to buy it and show it.

Sneek peak on you tube at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQcW65nzQUY

I have a friend who works at PBA so she had a copy and invited friends over to see it. It was fun and she reminded me that I was supposed to lend her my Firefly DVDs.

Thursday, she and I went out for dinner at the Stone Bowl House/Woo Nam Jeong Korean restaurant. I gave her the DVDs then. May convert yet another fan.

And I added a link in my side bar to Mark Watches. He apparently is wrapping up his first viewing of Firefly and will start Dr. Who next. He's also a Harry Potter fan, so what's not to like?

Life Work Balance

Debating whether or not to go to work today. If I hadn't gotten sick, then I would still be out of town today, so I had estimated that my to-do list could be accomplished without working Wed to Sun. Plus, it's beautiful outside: sunny and in the 60s F. Perfect day for lounging around the house, doing a little this and that, like hand washing the hand knit sweaters.

On the other hand, if I go to work today, then I won't have to work as long Mon, Tue, and Wed to meet my Dec 1 deadline. And Husband won't feel bad that he's gone to work but not me.

Our little day of the dead vignette doesn't have any advice for me. Maybe other than "No one ever went to their grave wishing they spent more time at the office." On the other hand, it is a grant proposal worth $75,000.....

I'll see how I feel once the hand washing is done.

ETA: note to self: knit with either machine washable yarn or knit smaller sweaters. This stuff is heavy when wet.

Advice for those about to go to college

A friend sent out a request for tips to give to a young relative about to enter college. That was 22 years ago for me. Answering her e-mail sent me down memory lane. Somehow my advice kept circling back to student activism -- helped my eventual career and social life, if not my GPA :)


And here's a section from Crazy Aunt Purl see sidebar for link, that I love:
~~~
My parents drove their house-on-wheels from Idyllwild to Orange County to be closer to Grandma. I went down last week to visit and on Saturday we were at the nursing home chatting with Grandma, she seemed really good. We got on the topic of traveling -- she and Grandpa traveled all over the world before he passed away -- and I asked her what her favorite travel destination was in all that time.

"Well, I found something to enjoy about every place we visited," she said. And she went on to tell me about some of her favorite places, like seeing the Crazy Horse monument in South Dakota.

"You know, Grandma, I've never been there. Or to Mount Rushmore. Or most of the middle," I said. "Sometimes I feel embarrassed that I've seen so many far-off places and I've only seen part of the United States."

"Oh, I think you're doing it just right," said Grandma. "Travel now and see the world while you're young and can stand those long plane rides. Later when you're older you can stay here and see the whole country."

All this time I felt a little guilty for always wanting to go off somewhere else and see the world and in just a five-minute conversation she changed my whole outlook. That's one of the things I've always liked about Grandma. She never really makes excuses or has regrets.

Dr. Who getting more interesting

I have not been a Dr Who fan. It's just been a bit too campy for me. Torchwood, I liked better. However, being a sci fi fan, I am aware of the show, the various Doctors and companions, and have seen some episodes with Rose, Martha, and Donna.

In my search for more sci fi to watch -- I have blankets to crochet! TV is best companion for that -- I've been watching the new Dr. Who season. And have to say I may actually make this appointment TV.

I liked Amy right away but need more time for Matt Smith as the Doctor to warm up to. Liked ep 2 "The Beast Below" and Liz 10 and the whole idea of having the countries fly in space and the social control aspect of protesting and controlling. The ending was a bit twee but overall, it may be the episode that turns me into a DW fan.

Then on io9.com today I read this:

Amy's Choice, ep 7: It's been five years since Amy Pond last travelled with the Doctor, and when he lands in her garden again, on the eve of the birth of her first child, she finds herself facing a heartbreaking choice – one that will change her life for ever.

I love this concept. I imagine this is what happens: Amy goes traveling with the Doctor and has great adventures. Then she comes back to Leadworth, marries Rory as planned, lives her life with Rory and then periodically goes of with the Doctor, but comes back to resume her life with Rory.

It's like she gets to hit the pause button on her real life, goes off to have this exciting parallel life with the Doctor, comes back to Leadworth, un-pauses and resumes her real life. Don't we all wish we could do that? But we can't so escape into hobbies and entertainment. I love the meta-ness of it, if that's what's going on.

However apparently in ep 7 Amy's 2 lives collide. It'll be really interesting to see what happens.

Again, not a Whovian, but this is a new tack for the Companions, right? Rose Tyler separates from the Doctor because something happened that they have to live in separate alternate universes. Kind of like Lyra and Will at the end of the Golden Compass trilogy. Broke my heart. Hope I didn't spoil that for anyone. However I saw an ep where she came back and warned Donna Noble... Still, Rose: one linear life. As linear as things go in Whoverse.

Martha Jones goes to work for UNIT and continues this world-saving work. Goes to Torchwood occasionally. Martha: one linear life

Captain Jack goes to Torchwood and continues this world-saving work. Okay, man who can never die, old as dirt, and Timelord who can never die. Why are they not a couple? Capt Jack and Capt John were for years. I want to see the eps that have Jack and the Doctor and see that arc play out. Netflix here I come. Jack: one linear life

Donna Noble levels up to awesome and part Timelord, then has her memory of it all wiped. Talk about a reset button. Donna: one linear life

So as far as I know, this is the first time with the modern era of Dr Who that the companion gets parallel lives. Looking forward to seeing how it plays out.

And given that Amy's Choice apparently involves children, I'll probably watch Amy's choice thinking of Torchwood: Children of Earth.

to the Georgia Supreme Court and dressy exercise clothes.

Tomorrow Husband's arguing a case before the Ga Supreme Court. It's his third time doing so, but my first time going to see him do his thing.

To fortify him, I'm making a roasted chicken with leeks and rutabagas.

In other news in my life, I visited REI yesterday. It's the first time I've been to the outdoor gear store to actually get anything for me.

Now that we live downtown, we've been walking more. For example last summer we regularly walk 2.2 miles one way to the baseball stadium. Lately, now that spring is here, we've been walking over a mile one way to dinner.

So I thought I'd get some clothes made specifically for this activity. I am not kidding. Among my junk mail recently was a catalogue from Athleta.com, a company that makes women's clothes for tennis, yoga, golf, swimming, hiking/adventuring, running/walking, and nicer stuff for hitting the town after a day for roughing it. It's a subsidiary of Gap, which is nice because I bought a pricy skort at Athleta and a cheap skirt from Old Navy which will be delivered together.

I also got a dress with built in support because I may walk 2 miles for exercise, but there is a restaurant stop in the middle.

Now I'm on the hunt for dressy exercise clothes. Hence the trip to REI. On their website, I saw some good candidates but wanted to try them on first.

I walked in and immediately felt out of place. I don't do any camping, rock climbing, etc. However, there was clothes shopping to be done so I forged on. I did find some skirts but not the dress I came for. Tomorrow I have a meeting near another REI so I'll stop in afterwards.

Fortunately with the popularity of yoga and people running errands after yoga/exercise class, there are dressier exercise clothes out there. I will be using mine for walking around a totally urban environment, that's all.

Tomorrow will be quite a day: Ga Supreme Court, immigrant rights meeting, REI.

what I want

Gah. Work is stressing me out and even though the economy apparently is getting better, I'm not seeing it.

Instead of focusing on the negative, I'm going to focus on the positive. The first step to getting what you want is to visualize it, so here goes.

Below is a list of what I want and I'm not going include what I have and haven't done, barriers, challenges, details or negative thoughts that go with each.

What I want:

1. Sell my old house. Get rid of that financial obligation. Heck get rid of all debt.

2. Have a family.

3. More time with Husband.

4. A job that lets me use my artistic ability and no personnel management.

5. More afternoons in the park with Husband and eventually children.

I'm putting it out there into the universe. In the past that's worked so let's see if it does again.

Random things from a random mind

1. still sick. bleh.

2. it's my birthday today. :) going to dinner later tonight at Serenbe, a really interesting conservation exurban planned community that emphasizes sustainable living. Article here.

3. going to work at some point today for a few hours.

4. Husband's friend mentioned that it's ironic that the day Pres Obama is awarded the Nobel Peace Prize that the US bombed the moon.

5. I voted for Obama, but think it's way, way too early to award him the Nobel Peace Prize!

6. I really would just rather spend today on my couch knitting and watching TV.

7. Dollhouse is getting better again.

8. Watched Sanctuary on Syfy. It's Canadian, and I see references to Torchwood, League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, X-men, and Buffy. One character even says "Five by Five." I have to look up what that means.

Not really a whiney post though it starts out that way

Work has been stressful lately. Yes, quite the news flash. In a recession with money tight all over, of course work is stressful. Had myself a little cry about that last night on the balcony. A friend of mine who also runs a nonprofit organization said that she cries every day. I was taken aback by that, because we're socialized to not cry. I mean, we grow up and our parents are always telling us not to cry and then as adults we're supposed to control our emotions.

However, over the past few years, I've come to see crying as a good release valve to have. I don't mean that I have huge omg-my-heart-is-broken bawling fits, but just let the stress leak out a bit, have a little pity party, put it in perspective, and then get on with it.

Anyway, that's not where I was going with this post.

So this is what I have to do today: Go to work, deal with the budget and human resources about renegotiating pay and contracts (someone poke my eye out now), work on a grant proposal, and meet with an attorney about the organization's governance (exciting!). At least the day will end relatively early, about mid afternoon after meeting with the lawyer.

This is what I should do: Go home after the meeting with the lawyer and clean the house, especially do the windows, and put away my crocheting and knitting. A friend is coming over for lunch Saturday and then next weekend Husband's family is visiting. Chop up the vegetables and prepare for the Saturday lunch.

What I want to do: Watch DVDs (Chuck, The Last Airbender, Rome, 3:10 to Yuma -- still on the Alan Tudyk kick but will wait for Husband to watch that one) and crochet. Read ("Fool Moon" about Harry Dresden, wizard for hire in Chicago) and knit.

What I will probably do: Go to work etc. Go home and watch an episode of Chuck while finishing the current round on the crochet blanket and then while chopping up the vegetables. Be washing either the windows or the bathtub when Husband gets home.

Because as whiney as I was at the beginning of the post, I know the evening will end with Husband and I at the Braves baseball game so, really, I shouldn't complain.

But it's that what this blog is for? It's like my pensieve, the place I put thoughts and feelings for examination later. Thoughts and feelings I don't mind sharing, that is.

I feel so much better now getting this off my chest.

Ooooh -- Look! Gas!

It's been all over the news. Parts of Georgia, Florida, Tennessee, and North Carolina have a gasoline shortage. Hurricanes Gustav and Ike knocked out oil refineries and gas pipelines from Texas that serve our part of the US. This qualifies as a crisis in car dependent Atlanta.

Usually I drive to work, which takes me about 45 minutes door to door, speeding all the way.

But as gas stations started running out, I started taking the train. So I drive the speed limit from my house to the nearest train station, which is the western-most station on the east-west line, wait 15 minites for the train to show up, ride half an hour to the second to last station on the east end, cross and walk along a very busy street with no sidewalks to the office. From door to door, it's about 1.5 hours. One way.

Up sides: saving money, saving the environment, and getting to knit on the train. I could still listen to my podcasts if I wanted.
Down sides: doubled my daily commute time and I get a bit nauseous on the train with all the shaking.

Today, I drove because I had pottery class tonight and if I took the train, the commute would take so long, I'd miss the class entirely. After class, I was able to drive right up to my usual station and pump a full tank of gas for less than $4 a gallon. No waiting in line, no scuffles, no police interventions like at other stations earlier in the "crisis." Clearly, the rumors of the pipelines resuming operations are true.

Still, depending on whether or not I have meetings outside the office and the probability of rain, I will probably continue to use public transportation a few days a week.

At least I'll have my knitting.

Contributing to the delinquency of a minor

Last night Husband, Husband's Friend and Husband's Friend's 15-year-old Nephew (hereafter referred to as Nephew) went to the baseball game. The stands were incredibly empty. Probably due to a combination of tight economy, it was a weeknight, and it was Sept 11.

The game began with a tribute to first responders, the singing of the national anthem, flags at half mast, and a fly over by 2 F-18 fighter jets.

After the game (the Braves won over the Rockies), Husband wanted to go out, but Nephew has school tomorrow! After some discussion, Nephew assured us that he regularly gets to bed well past midnight, so we went to a bar. On the way over, they used my cell phone to call Nephew's mom to say "oh, we'll have him home in 45 minutes." yeah, right.

Husband said when he was a teen, he had older friends (uh, 25 years older?) who took him to bars and got him drinks while underage. He thought it was great and gave him bragging rights at school, and he turned out okay. (Insert standard joke that Husband turned out to be a lawyer, is that what you mean by "okay"?)

Slightly against my better judgement I drove us to the dive bar that Husband and I used to hang out in all the time. It's in Little 5 Points, a part of town that's like neo-hippie central. There's the organic grocery co-op, head shops, tattoo parlors, dive bars, performing arts venues, etc. It's just like State Street in Madison, where Husband and Husband's Friend grew up and where I went to college. So it's a part of town we like to go to, even if it is gentrifying and a Starbucks has moved in.

Anyway. We went to the bar, got us all drinks (except me, the designated driver). This bar didn't check IDs, so Nephew got his vodka and cranberry juice no problem. I also saw one of my friends and former board members there.

We finished our drinks and I dropped off Husband's Friend and his nephew at the nearest train station at 11:45pm, about 15 minutes after Husband's Friend told his sister that they'd get home. At midnight I hear my phone go off as I'm driving. At 12:15am I reach home and return the call, figuring it's Nephew's mom. It was and she wanted to know where her son was.

I called back and said "hey, I dropped them off at the Inman Park MARTA Station at 11:45pm."
Her: "They said they'd be home by 11:30!"
Me: "They did? I don't know anything about that. I know that I dropped them off at the Inman Park MARTA Station at 11:45pm."
Her: "I don't know what that means. I don't know where Inman Park is."
Me: "It's where Little 5 Points is, on the East line."
Her: "That doesn't mean anything to me. I don't know where at is."
Me: "Well, all I know is, I dropped them off at the Inman Park MARTA Station at 11:45pm."
Her: "Okay, well, thank you."

I'm thinking, Husband's Friend and his nephew are going to be in deep trouble when they get home.

On the one hand, I don't think what we did was all that terrible. Nephew's had an experience, chaperoned by 3 relatively responsible adults, that will help him deal with drinking and bars in the future. We all have to learn how, eventually, and heaven knows that the way I learned, as a 19 year old young woman alone at college with no relatives around, was not the best way. Thank goodness I came to no harm, unlike many, many, many young people. The worst that will happen is that Nephew will be very, very tired today at school. But who's to say that he wouldn't stay up until 1am playing video games or whatever anyway?

On the other hand, I do feel a little guilty about it. I mean, look at the title of this post. And Husband's Friend said that his sister was verbally abusive to him, so there's some chance that she will also be verbally abusive to Nephew. Keeping him out later could put him at some risk. But I hope not.

And here is another example of why I don't use real names on this blog.

Talk it out

Okay, I didn't really talk it out, but e-mailed Best Friend and immediately felt better.

First, I got it off my chest. Second, I was able to identify the issues. Third, I articulated a solution, a plan, and a timeline for resolution by the end of the year. Now I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and know when I would reach it.

This plan and timeline depends on a lot of factors I can't really control, but at least I have a plan. So much better than having various half-formed feelings floating around my head.

The yarn shopping and starting a bulky-knit sweater helps too. Something concrete and immediate that I could start now, while I work on the longer term things.

By the way, the Spring 2008 Knitty and Magknits are up and I've printed out Jaden from Knitty already.

Got interviewed for local news station

Yesterday, I was video interviewed by Brenda Wood, for her "Good People" segment on the local news on Monday nights. I think it went pretty well and I think it was pretty clear that I'm a social justice activist. I'm a little apprehensive about how it will be edited and shown.

There was one point where she asked me what I get out of the work and I was surprised at how emotional I got at that question! I said I get a lot out of working with the refugee and immigrant women. It's great to see how our work with them allows them to move forward with their lives, empowers them to become community leaders, to open their own businesses, etc.

Later, she came back and asked me why I got so emotional. I mentioned growing up in the US being the only Asian in the neighborhood and not being accepted by Americans and then living in Taiwan and not being accepted as Chinese. The unfairness of being rejected and discriminated against for aspects of my identity that I can't change is what fuels my activities with regard to social justice.

But I don't think about that very much. I mentioned that it's important to acknowledge the past because it informs who you are. But if you focus too much on the past, you can't move forward. And certainly the rest of the world is moving forward, with or without you.

She asked if I would volunteer with my organization even if I wasn't paid. First I asked if it was still as executive director. When she said not, then I said yes (paying bills, doing payroll, having to deal with staffing issues, and all the administrative stuff is not what I want to volunteer for, as important as it is) and described my tree of life as a crape myrtle tree, with the multiple trunks representing the different pillars of my life -- social activism, art, and family. The trunks come from the same roots, the branches of each trunk are intertwined, and all work together to sustain and grow the tree. (Deep, isn't it? Sometimes I got it in me.) So I would still volunteer and be active because it's something I believe in.

Then she asked me about my art. I mentioned my knitting and pottery and she just loved the metaphor of my molding the clay like my work molds the women my organization works with. I said I can certainly take credit for bending the clay to my will, but my influence over other people is definitely not as extensive! I prefer the metaphor of the quilt, where you take pieces of different fabrics and sew them together to create a new fabric that is beautiful and useful.

She asked about my pottery and I mentioned how you have to really concentrate on centering the clay, and you can't be thinking other other things because then the clay will fly off the wheel or fall in on itself. It's like meditation, it clears the mind, but unlike meditation, you have an object at the end that you can share with other people. I guess you could share the serenity you get from meditation, but I still prefer giving pottery. She asked if I sell the pottery or give it away. I most definitely just give it away and I joked how my family is pretty tired of getting pottery from me.

But that may actually just be my husband. Most other people are pretty impressed when they find out that I made it myself. I think in such a consumerist society, we have become removed from the actual creation of things and when we are exposed to it again, we are impressed. I didn't go off on that consumerist jag in the interview.

She loved the molding clay metaphor anyway and said they might come to my pottery class to film me actually throwing a pot. In the end that didn't happen.

So how did she find me to want to interview me? A few weeks ago, I was honored by a girl-serving organization for my work with women and girls, and Brenda Wood was the MC for the event. She read my introduction (which I did not write), which talked about my work on women's issues, refugee issues, nationally and locally, etc. It was a lot just in the last 4 years, since I've been executive director of this organization and I felt pretty tired after hearing all that. I don't try to do all those things all at once and so I guess I hadn't thought about it cumulatively.

Plus, I'm usually looking forward, not backward. I mean I do try to reflect on past experiences, but mostly in order to apply lessons learned to future activities. Moving on!