Sunday, November 22, 2009

Ups and downs, at least holidays are almost here

I've been blogging for a few years now, but it was only recently, in about the last year, that I've really gotten into it.

I use this space to write about the important and trivial things rattling around in my head. I've discussed issues like race, politics, gender, social justice, art, craft, TV, knitting, celebrity crushes.

This week has had more than the usual amount of ups and downs and the past few posts have been really serious. Can't get much more serious than death.

Friday was the memorial service for Errin which went from 11am to 2pm. Well, actually the service started about 11:45 but that was time spent sharing condolences with family, or reading the Facebook homages. After sharing my condolences with the family, I sat in the pew for 45 minutes, waiting. I watched other people in the "audience" share hugs, tears, memories with each other. I saw people I knew and could have approached them but didn't. I was shy. I was tired.

Husband wondered why I was hit so hard by the passing of someone he's never heard me talk about. Where to start? First, Errin was so young, only 35. Second, she was so bubbly, always so happy and upbeat even in times of stress. I mean, last time I saw her, she was just laid off, but still focused on the silver lining: she had her own consultancy business and had 2 job offers, even in this economy! Third, she did so much for the causes of women's rights and human rights (which is how I first met her) and did so much good in this world. Her being taken from us so soon is proof that the world isn't fair.

There were also the personal aspects that got to me. During the service people got up to share stories, memories. We laughed, and we cried. Whenever someone talked about how happy she and her husband were, it broke my heart. I love my husband so much and the thought of not having him, like Dana not having Errin anymore, just make me grieve for Dana. Or was it for my future self? At some point, Husband and I will be parted and I dread that day.

In other happy news (not), today is a board meeting where I'm going to ask the board to approve that we cut staff hours and hence pay, including my own. I know that I have the support of Husband so the impact on our household will not be as bad as in other staffers' households. But the fact is that the money just isn't there. Fundraising is just difficult across the board for all nonprofit organizations.

I am looking forward to this coming week, Thanksgiving week here in the US. Sister and her Fiance are coming, as is Brother Two. They arrive Tuesday and leave Saturday. I have the menu all planned out and will hit the grocery store on the way home from the office this evening. I wonder if that's wise...

This will be the first Thanksgiving without Brother One, because he is in Taiwan with our parents. The good news is that we will call for Father's birthday, which falls around this time of year. And Brother One has access to e-mail so staying in touch with our parents (and exercise their English comprehension skills) will be so much easier and cheaper than phone calls.

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